What else do I do.

Things about my trip to London:
- I have not gotten a hair cut; looking a bit shaggy. And I am not going to get one until back in Salt Lake.
- A friend loaned me a camera, which I have not used.  It just feels awkward.
- Without World of Warcraft to soak my time, I am juggling(getting better), reading(Stanislavski), and blogging.
- I made Bachelor Chile and Bachelor Spaghetti for the first time in... wow, two years or so.  Still damn tasty.  Thanks Dad.
- I realized since I've been here I am in a constant state of defensiveness.  I am not sure why I am afraid.  Its hard to let that go. Can I just say "Here I am.  Hurt me if you want, but I'm not going away,"?


I saw "Much Ado about Nothing" on Monday.  I was going to go to an African Dance class, but things change.  It stared David Tenant(sp?), some famous guy who was Doctor Who.  It was put on at the Whyndym(sp?), same place we saw "Clayborn Park".  It was a good production in all.  David Tenant as Benedict was great, he brought the language out and had superb comedic timing.  The play was set in the 1980's.  I have no idea why.  What I remember of the eighties, they were lame.  The rest of the cast was good, nothing outstanding.  Claudio was very tall, and very good looking, but rather blah to me.  He had one very cool scene.  It was right after he read the epitaph to Hero.  He was drinking and had a pistol; he saw a vision of Hero; and that was it.  It carried him into the next scene, the second wedding.  The most disappointing part was Don John.  He was a mousy little guy.  He seemed rather weak.  I wanted to compare what I had when I played him, the black hat villain in a western, but there was little to compare.  In all the production was a bit slap-stick, but with plenty of production value.

Tuesday I saw "Uncle Vanya" at an out of the way theater.  It is my fist Chekhov production.  It was wonderful to see after last semesters work on Russian Scenes.  It was a lovely production, with it's sad comedy and bitter irony.  There were great relationships and justified changes in mood, laughing and crying in the same lines.  The professor is a repulsive character to me, as is the grandmother.  How would I play a character I found repulsive?  The father in "All My Sons" is an example.

A play about 3 sisters, and a castle. (The castle is the Tower of London, nothing to do with the play.)

"Bronte" is a play about 3 Bronte authors.  Before the play I didn't know much, I only know a little more now.  It was a moving story with a contemporary telling.  They used wonderful movement to tell the story.  They played, they PLAYED;  as children, as adults, as actors, as characters. They related to each other physically, ans is my fantasy that being that physically alive really opened them up.  They used a table to tell the story, a very stout table.  It was a warship, a library, a death bed, a writing desk, etc...  It seems to have accomplished everything for "Bronte" that all the technology was meant to do for "Silence" and failed. There were several scenes where the characters in Jane Ayre and Wuthering Heights came alive and personified aspects of the authors.  I of course tiered up several times.  It is my favorite play so far.  Once again I went solo.

The London Tower was a fun excursion.  The Anglican church service we went to was the best part.The rest of the Tower was interesting in a tourist way.  Nice displays, fun walking around with fellow students. (Yes, I was a bit social.)  We toured the Tower on threat of arrest, since we went to church and then toured without paying.  Items of note; big ravens with clipped wings, wardens in uniforms with ribbons, and Scots Brigade

soldures in full regalia, oh yea the Crown Jewels, biggest cut dimond in the world (yawn).

Keep trying.

Stupid thing wouldn't let me post yesterday.  To catch up.

I went to the natural History Museum with a few people here.  It was OK.  Kind of like a USA Today version of a museum.  Not as in depth as I'd have liked.

Last night we saw "Silence" done by a group called Filter and Royal Shakespeare Company.  Many of the others though it was great/incredible.  I thought all the cool tech they used distracted me and the actors from the story, which wasn't all that compelling. Not sure the class will be the best place to share that.  There maybe hurt feelings.  Besides it is so big, conversations amongst 40 people tend to be long and directionless.

Today we went on a Shakespeare walking tour.  I learned there is not much physically remaining of Shakespeare's era.  I though Tim was stretching a bit.  I did find crystallized ginger at the market we went to.  Yummm.

And this evening I went to Saddler's Wells and saw the Dutch National Ballet.  They did 5 smaller pieces 2 were fair, 2 were good, 1 was fantastic.  It was visceral, sensual, aggressive.  This is the most I have ever been turned on by a dance, and that includes strip clubs.

So, you might think things have turned around a bit.  I suppose you are right.  I still don't have any friends here, though some are friendly.  No one actually follows through.  So I'm still lonely, but my juggling is improving.

Wow, am I relly in this state of mind?

I think I hate it here.  I have no friends here.  Feel like an outsider.  I think I creeped a girl out today.  Is it possible I have wasted this much money, and am now stuck here for 5 weeks?  I'd rather be at work.  They like me there.  How do I tell people when I get back?  They ask "How was London?".  I say "It sucked."  Awkward pause ensues.  It must be my fault.  My pessimism, bad attitude, not trying, etc.  I don't know how to change it.  I should never have come.

The Plays

I am actually in London to study Theartre. I have seen two plays so far.  "Claybourne Park" was very good at the Wyndham.  It was about private property and racism.  It was very well done, great acting.  The dialogue clipped along very natural.  There was often a comedic timing to the lines being delivered, but it wasn't funny, or at least I didn't think so.

I saw "I am the Wind" last night at the Young Vic.  It was... strange.  A cool set with a pneumatic boat and a small lake/large puddle.  I found it to be esoteric, surreal, and absurd.  Two characters on stage talking and sailing.  It deals with suicide.  The relationship is not stated.  At one point I thought they were the same person.  The point was one was trying to understand the other.  I'm sure there are metaphors and symbols, but I didn't get it.

I woke up early this morning, not sure what time as I don't have a watch or clock. I stretched, did push ups, and juggled.  We had our first in classroom, class. Which, I just came from.  I am feeling a bit unsure... of everything.  A friend looked in to dance classes for me, which I am going to check out on Monday.  That will be an adventure.  Other than that I have nothing planned.  I'll just see what falls out.

This is London, but I'm still me.

So 2 full days in London.  I have mixed feelings. 

We saw a play at the Wyndam(sp?) theatre, gorgeous theater by the way, called Clayborne Park. A very good show.  Full of quick dialogue, tension, and secrets. The actors were very natural, and had good accents.  One was American, but I could not tell which.  I suppose we will be discussing it in class on Tuesday. 

Afterwards, a guy begged me for change.  He even pulled the "ginger" card, he was one as well.  I still turned him down as is my rule. 

Today we went on a little tour of the political district.  We saw Parliament, a park, the place, an expensive grocery, a book store, and an affordable grocery.  I plan on making chili and spaghetti.  I got everything but onions. Have to get those tomorrow.

I am feeling strains of culture shock.  I am a bit depressed, and feeling alienated.  I still have 40 days or so to go.  I don't know what I am doing here.  It's too big, too strange, and too much for me.  How am I going to do the acting thing when I have no support?

I want to find a dance class, but I m not sure how to do that.  I stretched out a bit this morning and dis some push ups.  I haven't done anything since Macbeth ended( I did an hour warm up before each show); too sick, tired, stressed.

We'll, here's me trying to be positive...

Flight day.

It's 4:30 am.  I fly out at 12:40 or so.  My plan is to stay up all night so I am tired enough to sleep on the plane.  being this tired may have hampered my judgement.  I visited with one ex-girl friend and Facebook messaged two others.  Well, better than doing it drunk... I hope.  I have my clothes out, ready to put in my bag.  I'll shower and shave in  a couple hours, and pack up the rest of the way.  Then a walk to Market Street for breakfast (that's where I work, and they are even going to let come back to work when I return.  Thanks guys.), then grab the airport bus.  I'll get to London tomorrow morning sometime after 8:00 am.

I am filled with a mix of excitement and apprehension.  I really don't know what to expect.  I had a counsel a while back tell me I needed to be more positive.  I tried that.  It felt fake.  Is it OK to be unsure, if I'm positive I'm unsure?  I am being positive in some respects.  I have some juggling balls, a frisbee and a full box of condoms.  So I'm being open to all kinds of fun.  Plus, this blog in its self is optimism.  Right?

I'll see you in London.